It's 67 Degrees Outside and I Hate You
and other concerns
This week was so boring. Why pretend it wasn’t? The week seemed to drag on between a series of anti-climactic news breaks and my work week simply being a huge suckfest. Maybe with the arrival of spring and Aries season, people just started acting up and not in a vibey City Girls kind of way, in a chaotic, numskullery kind of way. I quote Roger the Alien “It’s 67 degrees outside and I hate you” to further elaborate my train of thought here.
Regardless, I still have a column to write so I guess I’ll write with what I got, though it may be grasping at straws at one point or the other.
What I saw: Peacock presents ‘Fighting in Phuket’
The first three episodes of Real Housewives Ultimate Girls Trip season 3 premiered on Peacock this past Thursday and this casting, which I originally thought was randomized, was actually meticulously selected to bring out as much drama as possible. The season was shot in July last year, after the latest seasons of Real Housewives of Salt Lake City, Potomac, and Miami had all been shot but not aired yet. While the idea of the cast was originally thought up by fans as “dynamic duos,” that idea came with an asterisk as Candiace is best friends with Wendy Osefo on Potomac, and not Gizelle “Satan, neck, ankles” Bryant. After the cast was revealed, Tinsley Mortimer from New York had to back out of filming due to schedule conflicts and was replaced by one of my favorite housewives, Porsha Williams (now Guobadia). Other cast members included Leah McSweeney, Whitney Rose, Heather Gay, Alexia Nepola and Marysol Patton.
We were all so happy that day when the announcement came. Finally, the Potomac, Salt Lake City and Miami girlies are on a trip! Porsha is returning! Leah! Then, the seasons of those shows aired. Heather and Whitney had a massive falling out, Candiace and Gizelle were at each other’s neck all throughout the season of Potomac, Alexia and Marysol got into an extremely heated argument with OG Miami housewife Adriana de Moura. While I love seeing my mothers fight like this, I hate seeing them fight like this! And yet, bringing Heather and Whitney, and Gizelle and Candiace on a girls’ trip halfway across the world while they are still out for each other’s necks and have outside witnesses looking in does make prime Housewives television. Luckily, it did!
While we’ve so far got a good mix of drama and fun times from the girls, this balance seems to be very delicate considering who was cast. Considering one of the three premiere episodes was them arguing on a yacht for an hour and with only four episodes left, where is the chance to kiki? It can be argued that a lot of Housewives shows in the past few years have been leaning into the dramatics (look at the last season of Potomac, Salt Lake City, New York, and even Miami), Bravo needs to be reminded that we love these women at the end of the day and seeing them suffer all the time is both boring to watch and needlessly painful. Give my mothers some budget and room to grow for crying out loud, Andrew!
Random thought #16
RIP to two real ones. The last episode of Pokemon featuring Ash Ketchum and Pikachu aired in Japan this past week and it feels like something beyond the end of an era, perhaps the end of a whole world. I’m going to miss them dearly though their legacy and hold on multiple generations’ childhoods will never be forgotten.
What I’m waiting on: So is Trump getting arrested or not like…
I don’t need to know the specifics. I don’t need to know when to expect it. I don’t need to know if they’ll arrest him mid-wig apply or not. I just need to know when he’s arrested. The following week, Trump announced that he was going to be arrested on March 21st and, like clockwork, tried to get his fanbase or scurvy survivors or whatever to use the arrest as an opportunity to “fight back” because they are being “oppressed” or whatever. I cannot stress how little I know about this and how little I am bothering to care. At the end of the day, Trump is nothing without his fan base and both his fan base and conservative media in general get off on attention more than anything else. So while yes, there are some things happening law-wise that mean Trump will get arrested and while yes, I will be front-row with some popcorn to the CNN livestream of his arrest, in terms of what this actually means, I have no clue.
Even if Trump gets arrested, his annoying group of nutrient deficient half-breeds will still be walking the earth, saying whatever they want. Trump still has loyalists in Congress with equally receding hairlines who will stop at nothing to prevent even the slightest bit of progressive legislation from passing. While many Republicans have been stepping away from an allegiance to Trump, the Democrats are too center of the line to actively speak out about matters pertaining to Trump to the point where it feels like they want to sweep his presidency under the rug and act like nothing happened.
The US government is lost at this point in history. Left-leaning politicians are far too removed from their fired-up constituents and are not taking any proper action in reestablishing trust to bases that feel alienated. Right-leaning politicians are using this distance to fire-up their constituents on issues that feel ancient like trying to criminalize drag queens and trans individuals as predators. And where are the majority of Democrats when Republicans like Florida when walking, talking Thwomp Ron DeSantis is using inflammatory speech against the LGBT community? Almost nowhere to be found while Republicans continue to tear us down.
I think the reason I don’t really care about the details surrounding Trump’s arrest is that it should have happened a long time ago. The Democrats had two years to try and make things better with the communities that they need to stay elected and have wasted them. Now that they need us to re-elect them so they have jobs, they’ll come running back to try and fire us up with a “We didn’t get it then, but we sure as hell will get it in the next four years!”
Who in their right mind is going to believe them?
Random thought #17: Kellandria Clarkson, the woman that you are!
Kelly Clarkson has announced that her Lemonade-era is coming!
A quick note
I will not be commenting on Succession with every new episode on this column. Hunter Harris does it best and does it properly with her after-episode Succession Power Rankings that rank every character’s standing at the end of each episode. It’s the best breakdown for this show and with Hunter’s iconic wit and humor, it’s the perfect companion.
I will be taking my notes and checking them twice each week as we prepare for the series finale, but until then, let me enjoy my favorite non-gays be as gay as humanly possible.
why did they kill pikachu